Most of us probably wouldn’t argue with the idea that men tend to compare themselves with one another and compete to see who can be the best. It’s part of our internal programming. The tendency to compare and compete is one of the things that make us suitable for things like sports, war, competing in the workplace, and even feeding and protecting our families. Like it or not, it’s part of who we are as men.
Given what we know about the male psyche, what are some of the ways men compare and compete? It’s an interesting question I delved into in preparation for writing this article. Needless to say, I was fascinated by some of the information I uncovered. Hopefully you’ll find it fascinating as well.
It’s a well-established fact that most of us judge strangers based on our first impressions derived from visual observation. Every man knows this to be true — it’s proven by the fact that most of us just assume an attractive looking woman is much better in bed than an unattractive woman. So it stands to reason men would compare themselves against one another based on certain physical traits. Let’s consider the following:
- Penis Size – Given the fact that penis size and enlargement topics are the main focus of these blog posts, we’ll start here. Men compare the size of their packages to those they see in porn films, in the gym locker room, and so on. It’s not uncommon for a man with a smaller package to feel a bit inadequate in the presence of those who are larger. It’s also not uncommon for a smaller man to feel as though he is less of a man in the bedroom.
- Facial Hair – This comparison is as old as men themselves. Interestingly enough however, the dynamic surrounding facial hair has changed. Prior to the mid-20th century abundant facial hair was considered a very manly trait. Ancient cultures used to celebrate long beards and sideburns as a measure of a man’s fertility and physical power. Today however, excessive facial hair is viewed as being sloppy, unkempt, and a possible indication of lesser character or intelligence.
- Muscle Mass and Tone – Muscle mass and tone are also common comparisons among men. Men seek to have better physiques because it makes them appear stronger, confident, and better able to protect themselves and their families. Unfortunately, most of us give up our muscle building desires when we figure out how difficult it is to accomplish.
Just as men compare one another based on physical traits, they also look at non-physical things as well. For example, a man who exudes self-confidence and the ability to make decisions is one held in high regard in the male kingdom. We just assume a self-confident man is better equipped to handle himself in the modern world. That’s why men with low self-esteem have trouble accomplishing their goals. They tend to doubt their own abilities because they don’t seem to match up with those around them.
Getting back to the area of male sexual health, men also compare themselves to one another based upon what their female partners say about ex-lovers. If a woman begins to compare her partner against someone from her past, it’s a good way to shatter his confidence and make him feel as though he doesn’t measure up. The same thing works in the other direction, by the way.
The Competition Factor
When men feel inferior to their peers on any number of levels, they have two options: fight or flee. They are the same two options available when men find themselves on the battlefield, confronted by a bully, or challenged by an overly aggressive boss at work. The fight or flight tendency is just as much a part of our internal wiring as the tendency to compare ourselves to one another.
Now, let’s be clear; competition is a healthy thing no matter what feminists, psychologists, or the politically correct claim. Without competition some of the greatest feats of mankind would never have been achieved. Competition is one of the motivating factors that help men be all they can be. That said, it is a great motivator to help men become better husbands, better lovers, better workers, and better fathers.
Hopefully you have open and honest enough relationships with those closest to you that you’re able to discuss strengths and weaknesses. So when someone close to you points out a weakness, don’t take that as an insult or criticism. Instead, use it as motivation to do better.
If your partner thinks you can be better in the bedroom, do what it takes to make her happy. If your wife suggests there are things you can do to be a better husband, do them. The point is that comparisons and competition are healthy if they are used properly. Take advantage of the way you are internally wired to better both your relationships and your circumstances. You’ll be better off for doing so.